


Alternative Therapy

by zenkitty555



Series: Alternative Living [2]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Family Drama, Fluffy Ending, Kids, M/M, Marriage, Sick Kid, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10024088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenkitty555/pseuds/zenkitty555
Summary: Set ten years after Stephen’s accident in an non-magical alternative universe:Slowly cracks have formed in Stephen and Karl’s relationship with each other, leading to Karl contemplating walking away. Will their relationship survive?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is super angsty for the first chapter and then gets better in the second one. ^^;

The emergency room was once again a familiar place to Stephen Strange, as he had made so many visits over the last couple of years. He knew all of the new staff, and had repaired a lot of his relationships with the older staff. It had been a very difficult learning curve at first, but now that they were all on his side and sympathetic, it was easier to get things done to his specifications. He wasn't as demanding as he used to be, and they were more grateful for his patience. Maybe Karl had rubbed off on him more than he thought.

“Again? Stephen, it's like the fourth time in the past year,” Christine scolded.

Stephen turned to look at her, his hand in his pocket grabbing a pair of glasses.

“Well, these things happen.” 

Christine took the chart from the bed and looked over it. 

“Oh dear. Karl won't be happy,” She chided. 

It was the truth, and he was irritated she would even mention it. She knew it was a sore point between them recently. Despite her best efforts to be neutral in the situation, she always seemed to disapprove of his decisions. 

“He won’t be happy. We both know that.”

“Where is he?” She asked.

Stephen looked at his phone, checking the time and his messages simultaneously. There were no messages, and at this point Karl was probably on his way over to the hospital.

“We’re just waiting on the results, but hopefully it's nothing too serious, and we will get you out of here shortly.”

“You don't need to give me a spiel.”

She nodded, putting the chart back. Stephen took the glasses out of his pocket, looking at the cracks in the glass. It was amazing how such a small surface could fracture so easily. Tears started to form in his eyes. The pressure from the situation was too great to bear at times. He grasped Astrid’s hand as his brow furrowed in concentration. He was trying not to cry.

“Where is she?” Karl demanded. 

“Where's Felix?” Stephen asked.

“With Anna of course.”

Anna was the neighbor girl they sometime paid to watch Felix and Astrid when they had an event to go to or just wanted some time to themselves. It had been such a long time since they had done either, with Karl often choosing to stay home with the children instead.

“How did this happen?” Karl asked.

“You know how it happened.”

Stephen moved out of the way as Karl came to her bedside, pushing her hair behind her ears. 

“You told me you were talking her to the library,” Karl said.

“I did take her to the library.”

Stephen motioned to the tote bag filled with picture books and graded readers. Astrid was such a curious little girl, despite her more rambunctious qualities.

“Yes, but it wasn’t just the library was it? You let her play on the monkey bars again, didn't you?” 

It was the jungle gym, but he knew that Karl wouldn't see the difference. Where Stephen saw a childhood experience, Karl saw danger. Lately, his rigid rules and routines were difficult for Stephen to follow and there were no exceptions, especially after Astrid’s diagnosis. It was hard to sneak around behind his husband's back for something so petty, but he truly felt Astrid needed to be treated like a normal child. However, he was having second thoughts after the day's events.

When Christine came back, her expression was well guarded and made Stephen nervous. In her hands were the scans. He had half a mind to rip them from her hands. 

“We’d like to admit Astrid for some observations tonight.”

It wasn't good news, but if it was incredibly bad news she would have hedged her introduction more. He grabbed the scans from her, looking at them carefully. It was a concussion. 

“Is it serious?” Karl asked her.

“It’s just to be cautious, especially with the epilepsy, symptoms may be difficult to differentiate at times.”

Stephen nodded, avoiding Karl's eyes. It was standard procedure for the hospital. Karl pinched the bridge of his nose out of frustration and stress. Stephen’s shaky hands traced the oval frames of the girl’s glasses.

“You should go and be with Felix,” Karl said.

Karl's tone told him that he was not going to discuss this or argue. Stephen wasn't going to, as he knew that Karl blamed him for their child being hospitalized and hurting. He felt guilty about it as well, and quietly tucked the glasses in his pocket again. 

On his way out the door, Christine gave him a sad smile before he left. 

He tried his best to suppress the uneasy feeling he had heading home to their place in Park Slope. It was hard to processes the different situations that had led to this point. He had made his choices, for good or bad, but he had always done them out of the belief that he was doing the right thing for his family. However, the day was a soul numbing experience, even more so than the day he realized that Astrid was having absence seizures. Although the medication helped, it was not a guaranteed cure. After the adverse reactions to the first medication, the whole thing spooked Karl. Although it was not ideal, Stephen understood fairly well her limitations in life, but his partner seemed to be overly zealous in his attentions to safety. His mania for safety also extended to their son Felix, who was normally not a risk taker.

When he got home, he paid Anna after she went through her report of what Felix did that night. He had already been put to bed, but Stephen knew that he was probably not sleeping, so he went to look on him.

“Daddy!” 

“And why are you not sleeping?” He fake scolded.

“Not tired.”

He was waiting for them to come home. It must have been nerve wracking for the child, as he didn’t quite grasp the concept of what was going on. He got the basics, that Astrid was sometimes sick and needed to go see the doctor, but it was too abstract of a concept for him to grasp at this point in his life. 

Stephen curled up next to the child, who looked up at him. He kissed him on the forehead.

“Where’s Tată? Where’s Astrid?”

“They’re with Daddy’s doctor friends at the hospital. You’ll see them tomorrow,” He reassured the boy. 

He took a deep breath, and picked up a story book from the basket at the side of the bed. It took some time, but eventually the boy fell asleep without much protest. He must have been tired from the excitement of Anna and the nervousness of being at home without his family. Felix and Astrid almost always came in a pair for good or for bad. They played together and fought together. Sometimes the arguments they had rivaled Stephen and Karl’s. 

He got up when he was positive Felix would stay asleep, and went into the living room. He looked around at the pictures on the walls, to remind himself of yesteryears gone by. There was one of Karl and him a few weeks after they met, working together in the small office. Wong had taken it when they were laughing about something stupid Stephen had said. Only Karl appreciated his sense of humor. 

Stephen had been sent to do community service at the free clinic where Karl worked as part of Stephen’s probation. At the time he felt so bitter about everything, especially when the prosecutor decided to go after him, to set an example. Thankfully his lawer manage to salvage his career by pleading it down, as they had almost suspended his licence. It actually saved his life in multiple ways and he was grateful in the end. 

The next picture was of Karl and him sitting in Central Park. Christine had taken it, as they were celebrating Stephen’s new job teaching undergrad pre-med students. That night Stephen had suggested that they move in together, starting them down a more serious path in their relationship.

His heart ached looking at the next picture, the day that Astrid had come to them. She was so small and had already been through so much. It took them forever to navigate the tricky waters of adopting her. Even though Felix had come to them two years later, they had only been able to finalize Astrid’s adoption after Felix’s. 

The last picture had been taken a few weeks before Stephen had noticed Astrid's first episode. He picked it up off of the wall to look at it closer. They all looked happy, truly happy, even though Felix had been pulling Astrid’s hair less than thirty minutes before and she had hit him hard in the face. Karl had to take her outside and Stephen had been trying to reason with the then four year old inside the photographer's studio. It was a photo to celebrate finally being a family legally. It was funny now, looking at the picture, but at the time it was a hard day. 

He ran his hand over the picture. They were his family, no matter how difficult or how odd they may be at times. 

When he retired to bed, it was hard to sleep from worry, but eventually sleep won over and he slept till the alarm went off. Stephen had to get Felix off to kindergarten and then go teach two classes. Thankfully Karl would be able to take time off to take care of Astrid.

He roused Felix from bed, and despite his protests he was up and ready before Stephen was. As they were both getting ready to go, Karl called. He picked up. 

“Yea, we are going. Don't worry. I can do this. Yes, he ate. Okay,” Stephen paused and turned to Felix. 

“It’s Tată,” he said putting the phone to Felix’s ear.

Felix listened and answered basic questions with yes, no answers, before telling Karl he loved him and goodbye. Karl told Stephen he would contact him later when Astrid was discharged.

Karl was obviously still irritated with Stephen, and Christine was still playing Switzerland. He had hope that they would have a talk about things, as Karl was more willing to listen to reason when it came from Christine’s mouth for some reason, but he couldn’t expect her to get in the middle. Stephen just tried to keep going on with life, without becoming too distracted by his problems, but it was a futile effort. Even when he was giving lectures on autopilot, he was thinking about Astrid and what kind of argument that was bound to happen in the evening. So when Karl actually came home that evening with Astrid, it was eerily quiet for a good hour. Even Felix seemed to disappear in his drawing activities, instead of noisily pretending he was some super hero like he normally did. Astrid had been put to bed, as the medication they had given at the hospital her made her sleepy. 

They were avoiding each other, until they couldn’t anymore. Sitting across from one another at the table, Karl wouldn’t meet his eyes, and instead they watched Felix sloppily shove his fork and spoon in his mouth. Sometime having kids made it much easier to avoid their problems with one another. Eventually, when Felix had to go to bed, they got into it, as Stephen knew they would.

“It’s not natural for a child to be kept from running and jumping, and just being a kid for god sakes. You think that because she’s got epilepsy that she needs to be kept safe, and I get that, but she can’t stop living her life because of it.” 

“And she can live her life, but putting her in dangerous situations does not help her in anyway!” Karl argued.

“She was just on the jungle gym. She wasn’t playing on a cliff. After you stopped taking her to the dojang, she’s been sitting at that window waiting for you with the most depressed look on her face. She wants to go with you, but you won’t take her anymore. She doesn’t understand why she can’t play sports or learn a martial art. I don’t understand why you even think that her disorder prevents her from doing those things. She needs to live her life like a normal child, and not treated like she’s weak and feeble.”

“I am not saying treat her like she is weak and feeble, but we should be cautious with both of our children. What would happen if Felix took a fall like Astrid did? He doesn’t have her coordination. If you let him play like that, he would be liable to kill himself on accident.”

Stephen sighed. They kept having the same argument. 

“Just let her play a sport or something. I’m not saying teach her boxing, only something where she can run around. Then I won’t take her to the playground.”

“Well, why don’t we just sign her up for swimming tomorrow?” Karl snapped.

Stephen gasped at him in shock before becoming angry. He couldn’t believe Karl would say such a thing. He was sure that Karl was referring to his sister’s death, as an example preventing injury or death by being super vigilant about safety. Stephen wondered why he didn’t throw in Victor’s death as well for good measure. 

He sat down, glaring at the man. It was unbelievable. Karl’s had a sharp tongue when he was truly upset and angry, but this time he crossed a line. Stephen took a few minutes to calm himself, instead of snapping back. Over the past decade he had tried to improve on his own temper, especially for the sake of his relationship.

“I understand that you are worried for them, because we can’t control what happens to them, but you have crossed a line. The worst part is you crossed that line to hurt me, as I am sure that you don’t want to put Astrid in swimming lessons,” he gritted out. 

“And to me, taking her to play on the jungle gym is the same as me suggesting to enroll her in swimming lessons. Especially when you do it behind my back!”

“I wouldn’t have done it if I thought we could have a rational conversation about this,” Stephen responded angrily.

They looked at each other. Karl’s eyes darkened and weary. He probably had less sleep than Stephen, as he normally had difficulties sleeping. Between the two of them they had enough pain and disappointment to fill twenty lifetimes. The short period of happiness they did have was overshadowed by many of life’s recent events. 

“We can’t have a rational conversation if you cannot see reason,” Karl murmured. 

They were going in circles again, but he didn’t quite know how to break it, as neither of them were willing to compromise. Instead they quit having the conversation. He could still feel his partner and himself stewing in their bitter thoughts. Stephen had to do something to remind themselves that they do love each other, so he went over to the wall again to pull down one of the pictures he was looking at the day before. It was the one with all of them. Handing it to Karl, he watched the man’s expression softened as he looked at it.

“They cried so much that day. I was so mad at them, and you had to play good cop, even though you really didn’t feel like it either,” Stephen reminded him.

“Felix is so difficult. He’s so much like you sometimes. He just does things without thinking. He makes me ponder the whole nature versus nurture argument. ”

“Astrid is like you. That’s why it’s difficult to resist her suggestions,” Stephen said smiling weakly.

“Well there is a reason for that,” Karl gently reminded him.

Sometimes he forgot that Astrid was Karl’s grand-niece. They had such a hard time getting her mother to sign over her parental rights, even though she was the one who placed her daughter in Karl’s custody in the first place. They had to go through so much just to be able to adopt her, even though they were better able to take care of the girl.

Occasionally they arranged for visits with Karl’s niece, but they were few and far between. Stephen normally stayed out of those. 

“The epilepsy has nothing to do with my niece does it?” Karl asked.

He had asked this before, but Stephen could tell that he was again nervous after their conversation. Stephen shook his head. 

“There is no connection.”

They sat down on the sofa, the tension slightly lifted. 

“I don’t want her to wind up like her mother. I just want her to have a normal life, without the difficulties we’ve had. She’s so young, and her disorder is already interfering with her education. I just don’t want it to get worse. I keep hoping it will go away later,” Karl said, running his hand over the picture.

“It may. We just have to wait and see. If not, it’s something she’ll have to live with. We can’t always change it.”

Stephen absentmindedly rubbed his hands. It was hard not to feel so passionate about Astrid’s disorder and Karl’s fears, because of his own situation. He hated that strangers always looked at him as though he couldn’t do anything. Granted he was severely restricted in using his hands, but his mind and the rest of his body was sound.

Stephen put his arm around Karl’s shoulders, and then pulled him close, giving him a kiss on his forehead. It had been a while since they actually touched one another affectionately. 

“Remember that time when you accidentally broke your collarbone after you fell off the kitchen island of our first apartment?” Stephen asked.

“If you hadn’t been so vigorous in your attentions, it would have never happened. The worse part was the trip to the emergency room, and when they asked what had happened, you turned the most god awful shade of red. You fooled no one with your story of icy stairs in April,” Karl laughed. 

Stephen ran his hand over the collarbone in question. Karl let out a sigh.

“Those days are gone.”

“Yea, but we still got it,” Stephen responded.

“I do. Not sure about you, Mr. Falls Asleep at 9:30.” 

Karl shifted slightly to get a better angle for a kiss. It was strange how they would fight like cats and dogs one minute, but then everything would be good again, until they fought again. They never seemed to resolve anything quickly because of their cyclical behaviors. 

When they broke from the kiss, Karl’s brow furrowed in seriousness. 

“Do you still love me?” He asked.

“Of course, but it isn’t like before.”

Karl nodded in agreement. He still looked saddened. It was true that most days they were not the way they were before. This constant struggle was wearing on them, and at times they could ignore their differences of opinion, but it never lasted. When they were distracted by other, bigger problems, it was easy to forget about jungle gyms and taekwondo. 

Truthfully, it boiled down to their differences in parenting styles. Karl was the protector and bringer of stability, while Stephen was the free thinker and bringer of chaos. It was an exhausting exercise in trying to balance the yin and the yang to their relationship. When it worked, it worked well, but when it didn’t, it was difficult.

“Do you regret tying your life with mine?” Karl asked.

“Never, not for one minute. How about you?”

Karl’s pause said a lot. Stephen’s heart broke a little. He didn’t think that their relationship had gotten to this point.

“I see. So, where do you want to go from here?” Stephen asked quietly.

“It’s not like that Stephen. You know it’s not like that. It’s just difficult and tiring to continue on this path. I love you, but I don’t know if there is anymore road left for us to travel together.”

They left the conversation there, and didn’t exchange any other words for the rest of the night. Even when they went to bed, they slept facing opposite directions, with Stephen looking at the wall. He felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. 

\----

Stephen sat across from Christine, his throat tight, and he was fighting back tears. Although they were in her apartment, he didn’t want to share that with her, but he didn’t have anyone else to turn to. 

“Just like that?” She asked.

Stephen nodded. Draining his cup of tea, he tried to pour another, spilling liquid onto the saucer. Long ago Christine would try to do these things for him, until Karl politely informed her about Stephen’s dislike for her polite gestures. Karl was the one to help patch up his and Christine’s relationship all those years ago, and in return Christine often helped them work through their problems. Sometimes in the earlier years of Karl and Stephen dating, Christine would jokingly complain how she often felt she was caught in a love triangle with none of the satisfaction of an actual love triangle.

It was another one of Stephen's faults. He always had trouble socializing on a deeper level. Superficially, he could wine and dine the best, but friendships and long term relationships still often eluded him.

“So what's happening? I mean you’re just there, and what about the kids?” 

Her voice dripped with concern. It was comforting and irritating at the same time, because he had no idea what was happening. 

“I don’t know. We didn’t talk about it, but now it’s just like the room is empty even when we are both in it. He won’t look at me, or…”

He stopped to regain his composure. It had only been a few days, but he was going crazy. 

“Well, you’re welcome to stay here if you need to. The kids are welcomed, and I’ll just stay at Brian’s. We’ve been talking about moving in together, so it could be like a test run. You just might need some time apart. You two might just be overwhelmed with everything that’s happened in the past few years.”

He nodded, but he wasn’t as optimistic as her. He still did have to hold it together for their kids, but he didn’t feel hopeful. 

Within the week he and Karl decided to take Christine up on her offer, and he was back in Manhattan, a worlds away from everything he knew and cared about. They had worked out a schedule, but the first night alone was the hardest. Karl had called multiple times, as it was confusing for the children, and they missed their other father. All Stephen wanted to hear was that Karl missed him and that he should come back, but those words never came. Stephen could only wait patiently for time to pass. He was not in control of this situation, and although he wanted to convince Karl not to do this, he couldn’t say anything. Karl knew his feelings.

Eventually the day came where he got to be with Astrid and Felix. When he saw them, it made everything a little more manageable. He smiled more during their visits than he had the whole week, but the nights were hard, as they missed their home and Karl. They still couldn’t understand why their daddy was here and Tată was at home. They cried and complained about the situation, and there was nothing he could do, but reassure them that they were loved. 

When he saw Karl again, Karl looked like he felt. 

“Don’t worry, I just took them to the Museum of Natural History. There were no jungle gyms or swimming lessons,” Stephen joked half-heartedly.

“You don’t have classes Friday, right?” Karl asked abruptly. 

“I have a meeting this Friday, but it should be finished by 3pm.”

“I’ll have a bag for them, and you can pick them up from the apartment. I’ll ask Anna to watch them until then.”

That was that. It was hard just to leave it alone, but sometimes he called them. He needed to hear their voices, even Karl's. Everything felt harder. The pain in his hands felt greater than before. He knew it was psychosomatic, but it didn’t change how painful it felt. He need some sense of resolution in order to feel a little better, so he called Karl.

“If you want to divorce me, you should do it quickly. If you don’t, then we need to talk about this,” Stephen said.

“I don’t know what I want,” Karl replied.

“I can wait, but not forever.”

“No, not forever. Give me time though.”

It wasn’t a very productive phone call, but it helped relieve the pain a little. Stephen had to be patient, but it was not one of his strengths.

It took a few more days before Karl gave him an answer, and again it was not a good answer, nor a bad one. Karl had suggested therapy for them. Stephen scoffed at the idea, with such low success rates, but agreed to it anyways. It was worth a shot, as if Karl would just meet him halfway, he felt that they could fix their marriage. 

When they started, Stephen’s hopes began to fade. He had no idea how Karl found this woman, as her methodology was very unconventional, and she was a little odd as well. She seemed more like a monk rather than a therapist, and he actually felt the need to ask to see her qualifications up close. It didn’t seem like she went to any regular school, but Karl had texted him that she had higher success rate compared to others. On second thought, it shouldn’t have come as a complete surprise, as Karl often like to dabble in activities that incorporated more spiritual practices, and this woman was not very clinical in his opinion.

“I want you to touch each other. Where ever you like, just make contact,” She said.

Stephen looked at Karl, who turned towards him on the sofa. He was the first to reach out, and touched Stephen’s knee. It had been a while since they had actually touched on another, and it felt a little awkward in front of this woman. Even when they were with close friends like Wong or Christine, Karl hated Stephen touching him in public. 

Stephen decided to place his hand on Karl’s heart. He didn’t really know why, but he didn’t want to copy Karl’s actions.

“Why did you chose those places?” She asked.

This was stupid, but Stephen was willing to try anything. 

“It’s comforting,” Karl said.

“I didn’t want to copy him.”

The woman frowned at him. 

“Why the heart though? Why not the shoulder, or arm, or hand? Why do you think you chose that spot out of every other part?”

He honestly didn’t know. Her instructions were so weird, and he just was trying to follow them. Stephen sighed, thinking of an answer to give her. Even when he had one, he didn’t want to say it. 

“I don’t know,” He responded.

She looked at him again with the same expression as before.

“You are overthinking things too much. There are no right answers here,” She pressed.

Stephen felt himself getting emotional, he didn’t want to share these things.

“I just want to connect.”

His voice was weak and contained a note of defeat. 

They stopped touching, turning away from each other, and the therapist looked at them. They then sat in silence until they were almost finished with their session. The therapist then turned to them and gave them homework. Stephen shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all. Karl seemed to take it seriously. It was strange to watch his partner so serious about this woman’s instructions.

When they exited the room, they had to discuss their homework, which was to find some time to touch one another. She added that they shouldn’t engage in any touching that could be considered sexual, as it was counter productive.

“How should we do this? Do you want me to go there, or somewhere else? What about Astrid and Felix?” Stephen asked.

Karl hesitantly looked at him. 

“I can ask Wong to take them for an evening. Anna is a little too young to be dealing with them for an extended period of time. I will come to you if that is okay,” he said.

Stephen nodded. 

“Just message,” Stephen responded.

Although he thought the therapist was kind of a quack, any chance of spending time with Karl was welcomed. He truly wanted them to resolve a lot of their communication problems. He still loved Karl more than anyone else asides from his children, and he missed his family. 

During the week, they fixed the times and the date. Stephen tried to organize things with Christine to make sure that she wouldn't pop by her apartment unexpectedly. By the time their appointment rolled around, Stephen was anxiously pacing the apartment waiting. Karl would be there at the exact minute, not before or after, and Stephen was not disappointed. He opened the door at 3pm, and there Karl was, standing in front of the door about to knock. Stephen let Karl in, and set out some water and tea for them. It was incredibly awkward, as they had not exchanged more than a few sentences outside of the therapist office. 

“How are Astrid and Felix?” Stephen asked, breaking the silence.

“Same as always.”

“And you? How are you?” Stephen asked carefully.

“Tired.”

“If you want, I can take them more often during the week,” Stephen offered.

Karl shook his head.

“This place is unfamiliar to them. They need their home, even if it’s not the same as before.”

They went quiet again, as Stephen poured the tea into his cup, and subsequently over his saucer as well. He could feel Karl watching him. Then he felt Karl’s hand on his leg. Stephen looked at him, and something seemed caught in his throat. It was unexpected, even though he knew eventually Karl would touch him. The last time the man voluntarily touched him without prompting, or by accident, was the night he told Stephen that he was tired of being in a relationship with Stephen. Stephen brought his hand to cover Karl’s hand, slightly rubbing over it.

“How are your hands these days?” Karl asked.

“Worse, but it’s to be expected from the situation.”

“And you still don’t take anything for them?” Karl asked.

“Of course not. I’m not going back to that life. It’s not worth it when I could lose more than I already have.”

Karl was worried about him going backwards to the way he was before they met. Back to the reason why they met. 

“I’m glad you think that way.”

They were silent again, and Karl’s hand slipped out from underneath his. Stephen froze, not sure what to do. 

“You really hurt me, going behind my back. You broke my trust sneaking around. I had hoped that you would respect my wishes, instead of betraying them. You just thought you knew better, and stepped out of our conversation,” Karl gritted out.

Stephen grabbed Karl's hand.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted what I thought was best for Astrid.”

“It’s not about you Stephen, not when you’re married. It’s about us and our children. You can’t be making all the decisions. I’m not ready to forgive you. I think I can someday, but you broke all my faith by sneaking around like that. In the process you risked her health as well.”

Karl shook his head in disappointment.

“If I could change it I would. I made a mistake, and I can’t take it back or fix it, only learn from it.”

Karl looked at him, his face reflected the distrust he felt. Stephen let go of Karl’s hand, and turned his face away. It was too hard to do this, and for a split second, he thought Karl was right. 

It barely registered when Karl’s hand came up to wipe the tears forming at the side of his eyes. 

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we can’t do this. It’s been too hard for so long, and if you can't trust me…”

They were both broken from this battle of whatever they were going through. 

“I love you Stephen. I will always love you, and I know that you love me and our children. I want this to work, but it will take real work from both of us. It will not be finished in a week or a month, but if you want to stop then we can.”

Stephen looked down at the coffee table, and the puddle of tea in his saucer. They didn’t speak about anything of any consequence for the rest of the night, preferring to silently gaze out the windows instead.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It took a while for Stephen to really process a lot of Karl and his relationship problems. It seemed that they had been broken for a good amount of time, but it had always been covered up by other elements to their relationship. Karl and him continued to see the oddball therapist, and he had found a suitable sublet near Karl's to make it easier on everyone. It was obviously going to take a while, but Stephen felt more optimistic about things, even when they went back to fighting about petty things during their sessions. Eventually the therapist recommended both of them to have individual sessions. Stephen guessed that they were both fairly messed up, and once he stopped fighting her, he found that the sessions were actually helping him. He had never really dealt well with the list of tragedies that had befallen him.

When Karl and him had exited one of their sessions one day, they were actually laughing. Stephen couldn’t remember the last time they laughed together. It had been ages. He met Karl's eyes, and smiled.

“Do you want to get something to eat?” Stephen asked.

“I guess. I should get home before ten, but I have some time.”

Stephen’s heart skipped a beat. It felt like when he was a high school student asking Julie Schmidt to the prom.

They exited 177a Bleecker Street, not far from a good place where they could grab falafels and enjoy the night air. When they had gotten their food to go, they walked to Washington Square Park to eat it on a bench while watching people pass by. There were a lot of people coming and going.

“She’s kind of weird Karl, but I get it now. Unconventional, but not without merit.”

“High praise from the mighty Doctor Strange,” Karl teased back.

“Not so mighty.”

Stephen smirked.

“So what do you talk about when I'm not there?” Karl asked.

“You want me to break doctor patient confidentiality?”

Karl rolled his eyes at him and Stephen laughed.

“Not about you. Mostly it's about my sister and brother. Sometimes we talk about my life before my accident, and Christine.”

Stephen looked at the cobbled ground underneath his feet. It was one of the few areas of the city that he felt never changed much.

“Christine?” Karl asked.

“You think you’ve had it bad, but I was viscous to her. She only left when I flat out told her to go, but she’s still is my friend, my best friend. I am trying to fix that as well. I need to be a better person.”

Stephen truly meant what he said. He had been trying to make amends with her. She kept insisting that it was in the past, but when he started to observe her reactions to him, he knew he had to start making her feel appreciated. He had never done that when they were together, and he felt ashamed for that.

“No matter how selfish I was with you, it was ten times worse with her.”

He shook his head, disappointed with himself.

“When we met, you were very selfish, but you really changed after Astrid. The first time I brought up fostering her, I thought you were going to leave. You were so positive you didn’t want children. I don't know what made you change your mind, but the first time you properly held her, I could tell that I was not longer your greatest love,” Karl responded.

Stephen knew it was true. He wanted Karl, but he needed his children. If they had separately bitterly and fought over the kids, he may not have made it this far.

“It was Christine. She changed my mind, because I didn't want children, but she convinced me to at least try for a little. Astrid was so small that she wouldn't remember me. Now that I think about it was the worst reasoning for the best decision I ever made.”

“You really do owe her a lot,” Karl laughed.

He nodded and finished his falafel.

“So how could you love such a selfish man for so long? I keep thinking about that. Even Christine gave up after a few months.”

Karl smiled, closing his eyes. He looked so dreamy like that, but whenever he had that expression, it always made Stephen feel like he had said something idiotic. Karl was the only one to ever look at him like that.

“I was in love. Love is a powerful magic that turns frogs into princes. Well, and you also had other parts to recommend you,” Karl added.

It was a funny, but honest discussion. He was glad Karl and him had been able to come to this point in their relationship. It felt like they were finally listening to one another. Karl turned towards him. His expression serious.

“Stephen, do you want to come home with me tonight?”

Stephen was not expecting that at all. He wasn’t even sure if it was allowed, as they had often been warned of how pushing forward too quickly could set them back, or even break down the process.

“Are you sure? I mean, what about the kids. They’ll be confused for sure.”

“They’ll be sleeping.”

For a second he thought it may be a test of some sorts, but after looking at Karl, he decided it was an honest invitation. Stephen though he should maybe reject it, but he was a weak man, especially since he never wanted them to be separated in the first place. He understood now why they had to separate, but it was still hard for him.

“If you're okay with it, I want to.”

Karl nodded, and Stephen’s heart skipped a beat. It was just like prom for him. All that nervous expectation building in him, even though the situation was totally different.

They left to go home together, and when they got there, Stephen held back for a second as Karl paid Anna and made sure the kids were in bed. He desperately wanted to see them, but he knew they would only suffer if he suddenly came back for only a night. He knew that this was what it was for now, only a night.

When he came in, Karl led him to the bedroom. Stephen looked around his former residence, surprised that almost nothing had changed, except for it being a little more organized without student papers on the various tables. Every toy was in its bin and all the pictures still were in their place. It felt odd, as if he had never been gone.

He sat on the bed, the same as he would do all of the other nights, as Karl removed his jacket and hung it up. Stephen felt a little awkward and uncomfortable, as it had been so long.

“Why did you invite me back here?” Stephen asked.

“We’ve been having a good time, haven’t we?”

“Yea. It feels odd though, after all this time. I’m more nervous than on our first date.”

Karl smiled.

“That’s because you had no idea our first date was a date. I sometime wondered how you managed to become a doctor, when you have absolutely no read on people.”

Stephen laughed. It was true, although he managed to figure it out somewhere between dinner and drinks, he had not realized Karl asking him to dinner was a date, and not just pitying Stephen’s difficulties with his community service duties. Later he had confessed to Karl about his mistake.  

Karl began to remove his clothes.

“I don't expect anything from you tonight. I only am tired of sleeping alone, and I miss you these days. I miss your laugh and your warm smile. I miss hearing your voice, and the way you sing to Felix when you think no one is listening.”

“He’s the only one who appreciates me musically,” Stephen laughed.

Karl laughed with him. Stephen was quite tone deaf, despite his best efforts.

“I can't welcome you back until I'm sure, but just let’s forget about our troubles for a night.”

Stephen nodded. He wasn’t sure if it was the best thing for them, but he wanted it as well.

When Karl was finished changing, he turned to Stephen to help him. It felt nice to have Karl touching him again. The light scrapes of fingertips as he unbuttoned Stephen’s dress shirt was reassuring. He felt his nerves dissolve away as he looked at his husband. They had grown so much together, even when they grew apart. He sighed in relief as it felt like they were coming back together again.

“Tired?” Karl asked.

“Happy.”

Karl bent forward to give him a kiss. It didn’t last very long, but it was welcomed.

In the end, Stephen and Karl just laid there; Karl pressed against Stephen as he played with the man’s hair. It felt like when they first moved in together, and it was the first time in a while Stephen managed to sleep soundly.

When he awoke with Karl's alarm, he was surprised. He had meant to set his alarm for earlier to sneak out. Karl seemed to notice his slight anxiety.

“Stay for breakfast. We'll just tell them you came to take them to school today,” Karl urged, placing his hand flat against Stephen’s chest.

He liked the sound of that idea. It was normal enough to not be confusing, and he would be able to spend more time with them.

When the kids woke up, it was fairly easy for them to actually wake up. Even Felix, the resident slowpoke, was able to get dressed and ready well before it was time to go. It was good to sit around the kitchen table and actually be a family again. There were no side glares, or arguments, or uncomfortable periods of silence. It had been such a long time since he had a good time. Normally when Astrid and Felix were with him, they were cranky because they weren’t home and Tată wasn’t there. He was sure that Karl also struggled juggling both of them in the morning, as Astrid always needed her hair done in a specific way, or she would have a fit. Felix never seemed to move fast enough for either of them.

Karl smiled at him, and he felt as though his heart stopped.

“Much more motivated this morning.”

“Well, don’t get used to it. No matter what happens, they’ll go back to their normal troublesome selves,” Stephen joked.

“I keep wondering when it will get easier. Ten, fifteen years from now?”

“Twenty, thirty more I would think.”

When he looked at Karl, who had and expression of enjoyment and contentment on his face. He almost forgot that they would go back to normal life in a few hours. For now he would just enjoy himself.

Stephen helped get the kids’ light jackets on, and they soon left for school and work. He offered to take them to school, as Stephen’s office hours were fairly flexible at the end of the semester. Karl looked grateful for the offer.

After they dropped of Felix at the kindergarten classroom, Stephen and Astrid walked together to the part of the building with the second grade classrooms.

“Daddy?” Astrid asked.

“Hmm?”

“When are you gonna come back?”

Astrid understood a bit more than Felix about things, and she was perceptive that everything seemed to change after she had hurt herself. Sometimes she would ask if they were fighting because of her.

“Tată needs some time to himself, but I’m not going anywhere far. No matter what, we still love both of you very much.”

“I want every day like today,” She pouted.

He patted her head before nudging her to join her friends. He also wanted everyday to be like the morning.

\---

The next time he saw Karl was in their next session together. The atmosphere was a little uncomfortable, as Stephen felt like a student waiting to be chastised by a teacher. He wrapped his hands around his sides, hiding them under his jacket. Karl gave him a weird look.

“So Karl told me that the two of you went for dinner and then went back home afterward.”

Stephen didn't respond, and bit his top lips.

“Well it sounds like things are going better?” She asked, looking at Stephen specifically.

“I don’t know,” Stephen said.

He did know, but he didn’t want to say, just in case Karl didn’t think the same. However, Karl looked annoyed by his answer.

“I hope that you’re not going backwards with sharing your feelings. This is a safe room, it is meant for you to reflect and speak freely,” the therapist reminded him.

Stephen closed his eyes, “I want it to be going better. I enjoyed myself, but it may be just false hope. Maybe we just live too much in the past, in too many memories. Maybe that’s all that this is, just reliving memories like some nostalgia trip.”

“It’s important to remember why you fell in love, but the heart of the issue is do you feel like you can communicate without a third party?”

He had such a good time the previous week, but then coming here after that made him afraid, like it was a dream he would have to wake up from.

“I don’t know,” Stephen said shaking his head.

Karl looked at him with concerned eyes.

“There are no certainties in life. What do you truly feel about our about our ability to communicate now?” Karl asked in all seriousness.

“I think we are starting to understand one another better now, from talking here. Someday we will be able to communicate, but I think we're not quite there yet, no matter how much I want us to be there.”

The therapist nodded. In some ways she seemed like a wise old soul, guiding them, but also leaving enough leeway so they could never blame her if they failed. She was cunning.

“That’s very mature of you,” Karl said, a note of surprise in his voice.

“I think you and Mr. Strange have grown quite a bit from our first sessions. I see no problems if you two want to try to date one another again. I wouldn't recommend living together at this point though.”

They kind of already knew that, but hearing it confirmed gave Stephen some comfort. He had been afraid that she would chastise them for their dalliance the previous week. It was odd, but he really just wanted to do well.

When their session finished, they loitered in reception area, quietly discussing about the week ahead.

“Vacation starts this week, I have some time before the summer session starts, so I can take the kids after school,” Stephen said.

He looked for Karl’s reaction to each part of what he was saying.

“I know it's short notice, but if you want to take some time off, maybe we can spend a day together? You and me in the morning, and then maybe with the kids in the afternoon?” Stephen asked with some trepidation.

Karl seemed to consider it, but didn’t respond immediately.

“I may be able to get away Thursday,” Karl responded.

He was allowing himself to become optimistic by their progress. A few months before they would quietly slink away separately with Karl going one way and Stephen going another. Stephen often felt like a kicked dog, while Karl always had an expression of weariness. Now, they could smile and laugh with one another again.

Stephen waited for Thursday, occasionally texting Karl various things about the day. Until then, Stephen would often see Karl as he spent the afternoons with Astrid and Felix, helping them with homework, or taking them places they needed to go. He felt a part of their lives again.

When Thursday did come, things started awkwardly. They met at a cafe, but it was hard to get the conversation started. It wasn’t as natural as when they finished one of their sessions.

“I don't even know where to start,” Stephen confessed.

“It’s been a long time. When was the last time we did this kind of thing?”

“You mean asides from the falafel the last week?”

“You know that wasn't a proper date,” Karl said looking at him.

“I’ve no idea. When I was in med school even meeting by the coffee cart for five minutes counted as a date.”

Karl shook his head smirking.

“Such a romantic,” he murmured.

Stephen was surprised. He didn’t actually know if it was meant in jest or as a complaint. It never occurred to him that Karl would care about that kind of thing.

“Do you want that kind of thing?”

Karl rolled his eyes in response.

“If I did I certainly would never have been interested in you. Stephen, I never had problems with you most of the time. Our problems were that we do not listen to each other, and we both think we know what is best. If we agree, it's never a problem, but like with Astrid, or when we chose where to live, you always pushed your opinion upon us.”

“You don't like where we live?” Stephen asked.

“I don't like the area at all, but you kept on insisting that it would be a good area to live with our children.”

“Isn’t it?”

Karl seemed to get annoyed with him once again.

“Look around you,” Karl said.

He took a look at the patrons of the coffee shop. Most of them were young people, nannies, or parents, mostly mothers. They were just chatting away or using computers. It didn't seem weird to him. It was a little expensive, but nothing like the upper east side.

Karl gave him an exasperated look.

“Our children's backgrounds are not reflected here. They go to good schools, but this area lacks the diversity this city has to offer.”

“Oh,” Stephen responded.

He had never thought about it.

“Why didn't you say anything?”

“Because I thought you would notice. Now I understand. I understand where we went wrong, where you go wrong.”

Although the conversations they were having were uncomfortable at times, they needed to have them. It was enlightening, and long overdue.

Stephen grabbed Karl's hand under the table they sat at. He watched Karl’s expressions change. He was so strikingly handsome. Sometimes Stephen was shocked at how much he had forgotten over time. He had taken so much for granted.

“I love you. Thank you for not giving up on us, on me,” Stephen said suddenly.

Karl looked taken aback. Maybe Stephen never said it enough.

“I know. I feel the same.”

Stephen felt his heart pounding. He hesitated for a moment.

“My place is around the corner. Do you want to have some lunch there?” Stephen asked.

“That sounds good,” Karl said standing up.

Karl had been there before, but he had only looked inside a bit. It wasn’t much, but it was close and fairly clean. When they arrived, Karl sat on the couch, while Stephen made some tea and got some water for them.

“It’s very sparse,” Karl remarked.

“Well I had hoped it would not be permanent,” Stephen laughed nervously.

He sat next to Karl, who poured him some tea before pouring himself a glass of water. After Karl set down the pot he placed his hand on Stephen’s leg.

“It won't be,” Karl said.

Stephen swallowed. Whenever Karl looked at him that way it sent chills down his spine. It was unnerving how it went to his core. The look of lust was unmistakeable. He wasn’t sure if this was normal for married people who were dating their spouse, but he wasn’t going to stop it.

Karl's hand came up to rest under his chin, guiding Stephen’s mouth to his own. It had been ages since they kissed like this. Karl's tongue meeting his. He groaned. It really had been forever, and Karl pushed him backwards, resting on top of Stephen's chest as they continued to kiss. It was leisurely, and became heated, until Stephen accidentally pushed their drinks off the coffee table with his foot. They pulled apart to look at the spill. Stephen sighed, as the tea seeped into the small rug under table. Karl ignored it as he turned back to Stephen.

“We have to pick up Felix soon,” he reminded Stephen.

Stephen closed his eyes, he forgot about the time after they had gotten to the apartment. It was slightly disappointing, but in the end it was probably more beneficial to wait in the long run.

“I don't want to stop, but we should go. I guess we should save something for our second date,” Stephen joked.

“Well, I’ll have something to look forward to then.”

\----

Sometimes it felt like they were cheating on their therapist when they didn't divulge everything. Although they had been dating over the last few weeks pretty regularly, they hadn't brought it up in therapy that they had been having sex pretty regularly as well. It had been so long since they had sex this often, with Stephen often sneaking in and out of his old house at night, and Karl often coming over to have dinner and staying with Stephen and the kids when Stephen had them. It was a strange balance, but he welcomed every minute of it, even the difficult ones.

“Have you considered moving back in together?” She asked.

“We’ve been discussing moving to a new place together,” Karl ventured.

“Why move somewhere new?” She asked.

They knew with September fast approaching, if they were going to transfer schools, it would be the easiest to do it within the next two months. However, it was hard to find a good area with the right mix of people for the right price. With the financial strain of living separately added on that, it was pretty stressful, but they still had less arguments than before.

“We don’t think our family matches the makeup of the area. It's a little too pretentious and superficial for my tastes.”

She nodded, making note of it. Stephen had a feeling that she would probably bring it up in their private session.

“Have you mentioned this to your children?” She asked.

Stephen nodded. It was an interesting experience with Felix not caring and Astrid nearly having a meltdown about being friendless in third grade. She wasn't the most popular kid, but she had made quite a few friends over the years. Stephen was scared of what she would be like as a teenager.

“Well, I must say that you two have seemed to turn a corner over the past few weeks. At first it seemed as though it were a lost cause, if it weren’t for the tenacity of both of you. I would recommend individually to continue counseling, but I don’t really see the need to continuing seeing both of you at once. What do you think about that?”

“I think we may be ready,” Stephen hesitantly responded.

“Yes. I think we may,” Karl agreed.

The rest of the session they talked mostly about plans for the future, and in a way it felt like a weight had been lifted off of Stephen's shoulder. He didn't know why this woman’s opinion matter as much to him as it did. Stephen could only guess that she reaffirmed his own feelings about the subject.

When they left the office, Stephen hooked his arm in Karl’s as they left. It was a beautiful evening, and like the many weeks before, they headed to grab a bite to eat.

“Do you know where you want to live?” Stephen asked.

“Relax, we have time to decide. You know how quickly they turn apartments, we don't have to look just right now,” Karl smirked.

“I just want to be back with you and the kids.”

Stephen stopped at the edge of the park, turning to face Karl. He brought up his shaky hands, cupped Karl’s face, and kissed him there on the street. It seemed as though it were a new beginning for all of them, with another chapter finished in the book of their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently writing a prequel to this, but decided to publish this first, because it was written first, and the next part will have a higher rating. ^^ Expect that in the next few days.


End file.
